The Loan Arranger

I used to joke that Bernie Madoff was “The Man of Steal” but my latest title pun is the above and after watching Disney take a $a hundred and fifty million bath, I gotta say I have combined emotions about it. Being a child that after upon a time went growth, I grew up on “The Lone Ranger” and whereas I could by no means figure out why he needed to tilt back his horse to start with of the present (did he run out of room?), the concept of silver bullets, a faithful Indian companion, the white hat, the cool tight like tights outfit and that Zorro mask simply made the entire thing five-12 months previous cool. These guys never appeared to should shower or eat. They appeared to run on pure high-octane heroism. And by advantage of the very fact that every dame within the west batted her eyes at the Lone Ranger, he, and for that matter, his horse, Silver, emitted no western odor. This was the life! You bought to sleep by a camp fire, by no means deal with snow (I lived in NY) or scalding summers (the man literally had no seasonal purpose for ever having to take that mask off). And the fact that nobody could acknowledge him, despite his voice and body, made it appear completely possible that I too could disappear into myself and some would possibly even mistake me for a superhero.

Now I used to be also an idiot when I used to be younger and used to put on my Superman costume underneath my clothes to high school. I remember being on “excessive alert” questioning if there was any danger out there that may require my services. After faculty, I might run, George Reeves style, into the college alley, strip off my clothes and “fly” dwelling—solely to be pulled again by my mom, by my ear, again to the alley to get my hastily dispensed of wardrobe. This, unfortunately, was a reasonably regular occasion. Television had that type of mesmerizing effect on us within the day. I did not want to be like a superhero or simply admire them…I was them virtually by osmosis. I was Batman. I used to be Napoleon Solo. I used to be Davy Crockett. I used to be Bat Masterson (the truth is I had the official cane and derby hat). There was no messing around right here. No time for pretense. I simply absorbed the whole persona and went off and did my hero work. Imagination fueled me like a magic potion. I drank that whole pitcher of Kook Aid and morphed in flawless seconds. So it is with a really heavy coronary heart, that I am not going to see The Lone Ranger just because it’s not the Lone Ranger. It is Jerry Bruckheimer’s Lone Ranger and that’s an entire totally different type of P.T. Barnum present. Simplicity labored for us within the day and you already know what? It still does. As we speak my Lone Ranger is Dexter Morgan. Alright, no, I’m not a serial killer lover. However I am a lover of gorgeous writing, subtext and fascinating character. Now being a very long time employed Television writer (18 consecutive seasons of sitcoms after eight years of unique studio deals) I might seem to be prejudiced, but I’ve additionally been a movie lover since the times of “The Million Dollar Movie” on WOR in NY the place I used to look at “Yankee Doodle Dandy” seven hundred times per week.

So right here is the thing: Tv is better written and more intelligently produced than films in the present day. Hollywood, despite youthful appearances, is nothing more than an previous man’s genital measuring contest that loves to celebrate it’s own machismo. It truly thinks that larger is best. Guns and bombs are entertaining. When i grew up films have been made for America for Individuals and everyone got the movie a yr later, within the “paperback” version. Not anymore. Movies are for all over the place else but America now and so witty banter and clever films have formally gone stomach up. Myth travels. Broad comedy travels. So welcome to countless superhero stories and Hangovers. That’s all that Hollywood desires to make. They’re now not in the movie enterprise, they’re within the carny enterprise simply just like the WWE (I labored there as soon as too: there isn’t any distinction between Vince McMahon and Jerry Bruckheimer). The truth that bombs are blowing us up at finish strains or guns are gunning down kids in Connecticut means nothing to Hollywood as a result of they are completely out of contact with who we’re at the moment. Once upon a time, Hollywood invented us: they created a world to escape to, with manners and conduct and typically elegance….dance…music…that we emulated. Okay, it was the dream factory of self loathing Jap European Jews (my people) however it was one thing apart from the life we knew and we were glad to flee. However escape is over. Even the Wizard of Oz of in the present day was stuffed with bluster and large. After i grew up there were just three networks who operated like the good American circus: it was “Ladies and Gentlemen and children of all ages!” entertainment depending on the time of day you got what you signed up for…for as lengthy as the vertical and horizontal image held steady. I used to be on the Howdy Doody Show (the place I panicked in the Peanut Gallery because I assumed that the puppets could not breath and became an overnight national disgrace when I used to be escorted off by the not so affected person Clarabell).

I also grew up enamored by Rod Serling and to today I watch each single episode of the Twilight Zone from starting to finish once or twice a 12 months. I loved Rod Serling. I beloved his torment, his fears, his politics and his writing. To this present day they inform me. He will at all times be my hero–and he did not even want a mask—not a seen one anyway. We’re hungry for understanding on this country. We crave the identical type of solutions that they needed in Biblical times. Folks don’t change. Time does. And if you actually wish to get an audience, dig deep and they will come. The King’s Speech did it. So do Frances Ha and The way in which, Method Again. We’re all strolling cosmos stuffed with an unlimited network of fears and contradictions and we do not should be thrust into the Coliseum each day for the next Gladiator present. And do not get me flawed: a lo of Television plain sucks. For me actuality Television is the brand new carny freak present the place we will act like cocky Romans and resolve who shall dwell and who shall die. It offers us the illusion of energy and management, when in reality, you might be getting used and manipulated every single step of the way in which. I have labored on reality exhibits and it was a disgusting expertise. It was all about pain and public humiliation for sport and in the event that they did not get what they wanted, they brought contestants again and made certain that they obtained it. So Tv is far from perfect—nevertheless it does provide brilliance. There are documentaries on HBO and PBS which are simply thrilling.

I labored as a publicist years in the past at United Artists so I remember Paddy Chayefsky’s Network. In actual fact in some way, when i wrote on the Emmy’s years back, I convinced Steve Binder to have the speech that condemned Tv in “Network” to be learn by Peter O’ Toole and Rod Steiger! Ha! Insane! Discuss calling the kettle black and white. So I depart you with this: Demand your rights. You are paying 1000’s of dollars for tons of of cable stations just like the Badminton Channel–not even The Goodminton Channel! A family of four is shelling out close to $a hundred for a night out at the films to look at large bloated crap! So all I can say is expect extra, demand higher and stop accepting this level of thoughts numbing junk as your commonplace of entertainment. Hollywood does and has by no means cared about you. You don’t exist. They care about numbers. You’re a quantity to them. An Orwellian quantity. Demand extra. Flip your again on stuff that dehumanizes and embarrasses and humiliates for sport. As a result of if you do not, effectively…you do remember what happened to Rome, do not you?